The Surprising Reason Why You Should Get Happy About Being Jealous

by Amy on October 5, 2015

Photo on 10-5-15 at 2.04 PM #3

Perky.

Is the only way to describe the Master Coach on the other end of the phone.

And happy.

I remember she was talking about “Fun Fridays” during a coach training calls six years ago.

“I take Fridays off to have lunch with friends, get a massage, whatever feels fun to me,” she was explaining to my group of coaches-in-training.

Sigh. I rolled my eyes.

Oops. I actually did sigh. Really loudly it turns out…

“Who just sighed?” She asked the class.

If you’re wondering…

Hell no! I didn’t tell her. 🙂

This coach really annoyed me.

Always so perky and happy, she was making a ton of money in her coaching biz, training on behalf of Martha Beck and taking every Friday off for massages?!

I wanted to punch her.

After stalking her on Facebook I also learned something else that was like salt in the wounds:

She was the exact same age as me.

Doh!

Comparing myself to her was excruciating to my ego.

She reminded me of just how behind I was…just how far I had to go… And just how badly I wanted to be like her.

But wasn’t.

I hated being on her training calls.

And the feeling it gave me in my gut.

So I tried to use my coaching tools, in vain, to “thought work” my way free from the pain.

But no matter how many times I tried to coach myself out of it,

The sick feeling grew.

Sort of like holding a balloon under water.

Until…

One day I tried something different.

I actually allowed myself to feel (gasp!) my feelings.

I got curious enough about the pain to give it a name:

JEALOUSY.

There it was.

I’ve learned the hard way that good old curiosity works much better than denial when dealing with the shadow crap of life. TWEET THAT

Here’s what I learned:

Jealousy hurts because it lies.

It’s says: YOU can’t possibly have what that other person has.

It doesn’t stop there…

The explanation that comes next is the most painful part of all.

For example,

I hated being on those training calls with “perky life coach” because jealousy told me that I could never achieve what she had achieved…

Because:

I’m not smart enough.
I’m not interesting enough.
I’m not connected enough.
I’m not attractive enough.

I’m just not enough.

It’s understandable why I wanted the hell away from those thoughts.

But curiosity helped me to see them for what they were – LIES.

I learned that I’m smart in my own way, interesting in my own way, connected in my own way, attractive in my own way.

And for whatever reason, some people, are going to need to hear it from me — In my own way.

I learned that success is a path. Sometimes two steps back. Sometimes one step forward.

But if I keep going, I’ll get to where I want to go.

These are a few lessons that “perky life coach” taught me once I stopped seeing my jealousy of her as something to push away.

Thank you perky life coach ☺

Nowadays, whenever I feel that familiar feeling in my gut, I get curious and even, dare I say, excited.

Because now I know that jealousy is a crystal ball.

It gives me a glimpse at my future self.

It shows me…

The places I want to go,
The experiences I want to have,
The impact I want to make (And the shoes I want to wear doing it),

It shows me my own potential.

And the bullshit I’m believing about why I can’t get there.

So the next time you get jealous, DON’T:

  • Beat yourself up
  • Whisper snarky comments at the object of your jealousy
  • Drink too much wine to drown it
  • Try to “coach” yourself out of feeling it
  • Spend too much money shopping online (while drinking said wine)

And DO:

  • Get excited! You’re jealous!
  • Ask yourself: “what lies am I believing about why I can’t have what the object of my jealousy has?”
  • Call bullshit on these lies!
  • Write down all the cool things you learned from being jealous!
  • Mentally thank the object of your jealousy for showing you your own potential

Well I gotta run.

I’ve got a massage to schedule for Friday and a coach training call to teach ☺

Your Turn:
What has jealousy taught you about yourself? Please share below!

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Virginia October 8, 2015 at 3:06 pm

Jealousy is indeed ‘ a devil in disguise’. Amy, I like the way you remind us to see the potential growth we can have by acknowledging the things we still want to become or obtain. Your pictures are always fun to see. 22 years is great – my husband and I have 20 years on top of that. Have faith people – long, good marriages are still around.

Reply

Amy October 8, 2015 at 8:43 pm

Or maybe an angel in disguise! Congrats on 42 years!

Reply

Kate October 8, 2015 at 4:52 pm

Reframing: Expert Level

Reply

Amy October 8, 2015 at 8:42 pm

xoxo

Reply

Kim November 24, 2015 at 4:39 am

Amy, you are hilarious! I enjoy all your posts, even your marketing emails/promotions. You are so BRAZEN. What a concept…thank the object of your jealousy and celebrate being jealous. Thank you.

Reply

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