15 Signs That You May Be Self-Actualized

by Amy on January 27, 2016

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DISCLAIMER: You may wonder how it is possible that someone who is not self-actualized (me) could write on this topic. As a master certified life coach let me assure you that I am, naturally, an expert on self-actualization and fully qualified to write on this topic. Plus I googled Abraham Maslow.

1. Wild Animals Flock to You

You are an endless well of stories about your incredible encounters with wild animals who appear to you, at will, while on luxurious safaris in Africa. Note: The zoo does not count. Anyone who goes to the zoo can NEVER be self-actualized.

2. Technology Breaks When You’re Around

When the computer dies or your car breaks down, you blithely explain the situation to any mere mortal within hearing range: “This happens to me all the time. My energy is really powerful.”

4. You Fill Your Programs Without Marketing

You just color for awhile, do some ecstatic dance then “call in” your clients and —BOOM — program filled.

5. Angels Follow You Around Like Star Struck Groupies

And save your ass from all sorts of shit you get yourself into because you’re too busy being self-actualized to function like a normal person in the real world.

6. You Speak and Write in a Poetic Style, Curse Regularly and Use Hashtags

In fact someone follows you around capturing all your hip and edgy wisdom in pithy one-liners that get turned into tiles and posted to Instagram. To which your followers regularly comment #girlcrush.

7. Horses Do Whatever You Say

Because, clearly, you are the energy leader. Last time you were in a round pen, you got one to do the moon walk.

8.You Don’t Have Much Use for Language Any More

Because you find yourself so often in a wordless state. (In fact, if you are reading this now —I’m sorry — but you are definitely NOT self-actualized.)

9. You Can Manifest the Weather

In fact you’ve been invited to appear live on O to manifest a comet with a rainbow sparkle tail and unicorns diving out of it. Because you can do that.

10. You Levitate

You can also astro-travel and read people’s thoughts. You see ghosts too. And you don’t mind tweeting or posting pictures of the Rebar you bend with your bare hands, because another trait of being self-actualized is that you don’t give a shit about what other people think.

11. Your Poop Doesn’t Smell

But if it did, you’d use only certified pure therapeutic grade essential oils to mask the smell.

12. You Age Backwards

You just keep getting hotter each year. It must be all that green juice and oil pulling. No matter. You have a photographer at hand at all times to document the phenomenon. They’re going to do a Netflix series about it next year.

13. But…You Don’t Watch TV

Unless it’s a really well-written BBC series.

14. You Birthed all Your Children Vaginally

(It goes without saying that if you are male you could never be self actualized.)

15. You Never Quite Fit In As a Child

Your parents secretly wondered if it was a mild case of Asperger’s or Tourette’s but now you take comfort in knowing that it’s just your superior gene pool. It’s the cross you bear.

So there you have it.

I know there were many people curious about the true characteristics of a self-actualized person. So I’m happy to clarify and expand upon the work of Maslow in this area.

If, after reading this, you discover that you are, in fact, self actualized, which would be impossible…

My research indicates that you can “resolve dichotomies such as that reflected in the ultimate paradox of freedom and determinism, the conscious and the unconscious, as well as intentionality and a lack of intentionality.”

I anticipate that if you are self-actualized you understand what this means.

As for the rest of us, we’ll just follow your posts on Instagram. #girlcrush

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Linda Ursin January 28, 2016 at 1:34 pm

I never fit in as a child, I do swear and do shamanic journeying/astral travel. But the rest of it is not me 😀

Reply

Amy January 28, 2016 at 6:53 pm

Ok well if you swear WHILE doing astral travel then you may be self actualized.

Reply

Anne in Virginia-USA January 28, 2016 at 5:01 pm

LMAO, Amy! I accidentally levitated while doing so and hit my head on the ceiling. The roads are still icy here after the blizzard, but no worries. Angels are bringing the ER to me . . .

Reply

Amy January 28, 2016 at 6:52 pm

Yes, Anne, please wear a helmet while sleeping to avoid head injury while levitating. 🙂

Reply

meryl January 29, 2016 at 4:29 am

bh

I almost got trampled by a horse in the pen – does that count towards self-actualization?

Reply

Amy January 29, 2016 at 6:10 pm

DEFINITELY not self-actualized! (But I’m glad you’re okay)

Reply

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