“You should be canonized for putting up with her all these years.”
This was a comment made about me to my husband.
The same person I blocked to escape his poisonous text messages found a way to get to me through my husband.
I won’t lie.
When I heard that he said this about me I was sick to my stomach.
They say, “sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you.”
But this is wrong.
Words do hurt.
Words can and do cause physical pain. It hurts worse than being punched in the stomach because unlike a physical blow, verbal ones hurt us over and over again, because, well, we stew.
I was stewing today while folding laundry when I slipped into a trance… Fold a sock and my stomach twists into knots as I recount the ways I have been wronged by this person, fold some pants and my head begins to throb as I think about all he ways he thinks he has been wronged by me, fold some underwear and my chest tightens as my mind thinks up all the ways he does not understand me…
and just as I’m pulling a sweatshirt out of the dryer— BOOM — I have an aha moment.
I’m working on a memoir, fifty six thousand words in, far enough to know this: my husband is going to come out the fucking hero of this book.
He is a saint. And I’m about to prove it to the world. My aha? I am writing a book that proves to the world that my husband should be canonized for putting up with me all these years.
After I realized this irony, I started to smile a little to myself. The nausea began to dissolve.
The truth hurts.
My husband has had to put up with a lot (you’ll have to take my word for now).
But here’s something else that is ALSO true:
We have a beautiful, happy, loving partnership. We have learned about ourselves and each other through the ups and downs. We respect each other. And we are still learning.
We both learned things because we got through the bad.
I know I’m starting to sound like a broken record around here but I don’t care.
It all comes back to LOVE, unconditional self love.
My husband is a saint for putting up with me all these years AND that’s O-FUCKING-K.
Don’t let people shame you by reminding you of your flaws. We all have them. The real question is:
Are you learning from them? And more importantly…
Are you loving yourself despite them?
The truth does hurt but if you learn how to forgive yourself, it won’t hurt as much.
Jackie Gartman said it the best:
“Loving yourself when you do something unlovable is the deepest work there is.”