New year, no goals

by Amy on January 3, 2019

Happy 2019!

New Year, no goals…

I’m going to do that thing where I look back at 2018, the highs and the lows, then talk about what I want to experience in 2019 (maybe not in that particular order).

But first let me just say that my attitude towards goals has changed. I like to think it has evolved actually. You see I used to get truly nutso over goals. I loved to set them, break them down, pick them apart and generally obsess over them beginning in January and continuing more or less through to the end of the year.

Which is fine unless your love of goals takes you so far out of the present moment that you forget to look around your life and appreciate what you have in that very moment. In fact it’s fine unless your love of goals leaves you feeling guilty if you even stop to look around and enjoy what you have in that very moment lest you lose a moment of precious time working toward said goal.

So this year, I’m still thinking about goals but I’m thinking of them in looser terms because let’s be honest, you can’t get what you want unless you know what it is you actually want. And in order to know what you want you have to turn off your phone, leave the dirty dishes in the sink, get someone else to feed the cat and think about what you want. Otherwise you could easily use up the whole year facebooking, doing the dishes and feeding the cat and that’s not how you want to spend the year, right?

But I’m not attaching so much fucking self-worth to my goals. I’m not going to pick them apart and put them under a microscope and generally obsess over them this year. I’m just going to name the things I want to learn, try or experience then be sure to put them somewhere I can see so I don’t forget about them and set some to do’s in the planner.

So here they are…

First I want to finish my book. And I want it to be a good book that helps people. Also I want to figure out how to get it “out there,” which scares the shit out of me.

I want to grow a vegetable garden and figure out how to make my own dirt using a composter. If anyone would like to consult me in the making of compost, please do. (I bought a composter and I’ve been putting my food scraps in, turning it daily but so far all I have is a stinky, globby mess.)

I want to produce LESS waste. I’m reading Zero Waste Home by Bea Johnson the founder of the Zero Waste movement and it’s blowing my mind and I realize how brainwashed we are about what we think we need.

I want to travel with my family – at least one big trip this year… Japan, or Australia or back to Tucsan ( I love Tucsan).

I want to play a lot of tennis of course and get stronger. I want to take my vitamins every day and drink more water.

Now, as far as highs and lows of 2018… My first instinct is to NOT do this. Just feels like a waste of time. But, I tell you, it’s worth it. When I think about the lows, it helps me to get clear about what I want less of in 2019, or how I might have had a hand in creating that low experience and how I can avoid it in the future or it helps me to just be fucking proud of myself that I got through it. When I think about the highs, I remind myself of the things that matter the most to me or I give myself credit for my hard work in creating it or I just marinate in gratitude for a little bit.

So here are the lows…

New pets…

We added three new family members – two cats and a dog. This was something I should have thought through! First, I’ve never had a dog before. I really struggled dealing with her crazy puppy energy. Then we found out she has an autoimmune disease that causes seizures. We had to end our summer vacation early to get her to an emergency vet. My other kitty stopped using her litter box which we think has to do with her tiny little nose. She had to go back to the breeder to have a surgical procedure which we hope solves the problem so she can come back home. But my kiddos are pretty upset about it.

Book…

I thought I finished the book only to learn that it wasn’t at all finished. I received a lot of incredibly helpful (and humbling) feedback. But I’m proud of myself for taking the feedback and using it to help me write a better version without getting stuck in ego too much.

Depression…

I battled many months of feeling tired and generally unmotivated which I finally realized was depression. I spent several weeks writing about it which helped me work though it and get to the bottom of what was going on.

Health…

I was successfully using essential oils to manage what I believe is a condition called neurologic bladder. Unfortunately, the oils stopped working a few months ago and my health condition became even worse. Basically, I don’t sleep at night because my bladder goes haywire. So I tried CBD oil. So far it has been helping me sleep! But I still need to get to figure out why I’m having the symptoms in the first place. So I’m getting an MRI this month along with a few other procedures. I’m not going to lie, I’m really worried about getting an MRI because I’m uber claustrophobic. If you have tips or words of encouragement please email me!

Here are the highs…

Some of my favorite memories from 2019 are going to the US Open with Ron, boating on Coeur d’Alene lake with the fam and taking a cruise to Mexico with my sisters who always make me laugh.

Working on my book was an up and down sort of high – an absolute labor of love. And just before the new year I met one of my favorite writers in the flesh and hired her to review my latest edit. Very exciting!

Another high has been playing tennis. Seriously, why didn’t I get back into this sooner? I love the competition, the way it’s exercise but doesn’t feel like exercise, the people I’ve met, the way it teaches me about life…

Another year sober. Going on six years people! It’s the best decision I’ve ever made outside of marrying my best friend.

Family life. I love my kids, watching them grow, being their mom. And I love getting to share it with my husband.

Sigh.

See? I’m totally high on gratitude right now and I know what I want and what I don’t want and I’m proud of myself. Mission accomplished. Let’s make 2019 amazing. Are you in? What do you want to learn, try or experience in 2019?

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

Caroline January 3, 2019 at 7:39 pm

Thank you for sharing not only the highs but also the lows. May 2019 bring you all you wish for and more!

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Amy January 4, 2019 at 4:46 pm

xoxoxo

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Michelle Sedgwick January 3, 2019 at 9:00 pm

Amy if you can have someone come into the MRI room with you and hold onto your feet that may be helpful. My mother was in a total panic, the tech came out and got me in the waiting room and because I’m a reflexologist I thought of holding onto her feet. The staff was very supportive if I remember correctly they also positioned her a certain way so she could see a little. She was able to get through. Be honest about how nervous you are and ask if you can have someone in the room. My experience is they have some protocol in place to help people!

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Amy January 4, 2019 at 4:47 pm

I’m going to do that! Thank you Michelle!

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Colleen January 3, 2019 at 9:45 pm

Compost- it helps to put some leave or newspaper in with your kitchen -waste and a little soil/garden dirt (I even use red clay -not best top soil or potting soil. It also helps to add a bit of water from time to time. Good job turning it everyday!
I am holding space for you that all shall be well with your new pets and your own health!
You are so inspiring!
Thank you for your honest, down to earth, enlightening e-mails! best wishes for 2019 !

Reply

Amy January 4, 2019 at 4:47 pm

Super helpful!! I will do that!

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