To the dreamers…

by Amy on January 10, 2019

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a gymnast. I remember watching the Summer Olympics and seeing those athletes launching through the air on the uneven bars or bounding through a floor routine. The sight of them filled me with awe and a yearning.

But my parents didn’t have the extra cash to enroll me in gymnastics or the time to drive me back and forth to classes. And, besides, I didn’t even know it was possible for someone like me to learn gymnastics.

When I was in high school, I wanted to study abroad. But I didn’t think my parents could afford it — I didn’t realize that I could have paid for it myself with a part time job. So I never considered it a possibility.

In my first of college I met with an advisor who asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I told him I wanted to report the news on TV. “Oh well, that’s just a job for models,” he responded dismissively. So I never pursued a career in journalism.

When I lived in LA, I dreamed about being an actor. But I didn’t know how it worked. How do I audition? Do I need to join the Screen Actors Guild? Didn’t I need to train with somebody? So I never bothered to try.

I’ve talked myself out of a lot of things in this life. Things I thought were not available to the likes of me. Things I thought I couldn’t afford. Sometimes out of fear of what others would think, sometimes because I knew other people didn’t think I was capable, sometimes because I didn’t think of myself as capable. Often because I just didn’t know how to begin.

I have always wanted to write a book. I have been told in so many words that I wasn’t cut out for it, or that I wasn’t a strong writer or that the likelihood of success is so minuscule that it wouldn’t even be worth the bother.

I have compared myself to other writers and found myself to be far too inexperienced and un-literary-like. I have felt lost in a sea of publishing options and agents, writing advice and literary jargon.

But this time, I won’t talk myself out of it. No matter how much I do not know. No matter my inexperience and lack of credentials. No matter what the experts think of my writing. No matter what other people think is right for me. No matter the odds of my success.

Because I know better now.

Because I would rather fail at something I tried that regret never giving myself a chance at all.

Because if I don’t give myself permission to dream then what is the point of any of this?

What are you dreaming about?

How about this time, you actually give yourself permission to go for it?

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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Kate January 10, 2019 at 7:23 pm

LOVE this!! Get ’em girl.

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Marta January 10, 2019 at 7:29 pm

Another great post to think about… what are the dreams I never allowed myself to have 🙂 You are an amazing person, so go ahead writing your book, I bet it will be amazing too. Literature is also about being real and passing emotions to readers. Best of luck from Portugal!

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Angela January 10, 2019 at 9:11 pm

Hey Amy.
Happy New Year to you and your family.
This post really resonated with me and i drew up my own lists of dreams and why i never followed through.
Like you say, Enough of that. Time to do it.
Good luck and have fun with the book and whatever else you dream up.
I would definitely buy a copy of your writing. Your posts are great.
Well wishes.
Angela

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Daria Howell January 10, 2019 at 9:50 pm

This makes my heart sing, Amy! Atta girl. Look at you go! This is what owning our power is about. This is what claiming our own sovereignty is about. I totally identify with all the fears, the self doubts, the not knowing how to begin. This is your Hero’s Journey and this time you’ve said “Yes!” to the call to action. Hooray!

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Jen January 11, 2019 at 12:08 am

Your post made me smile Amy
I also dreamed of being a gymnast, studying overseas and reading the news!
Good luck with the book, keep us posted on your progress and hurdles.

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