Guest post by Sherold Barr

“Rule of thumb: the more important the call or action is to our own 
soul’s evolution, the more Resistance we will feel toward pursuing it.”
~ Steven Pressfield

Just before the big event was about to start, I was backstage with my client, in awe of the rock-star caliber event I was there to promote.

Bill Cosby was the keynote entertainer. We expected a crowd of 7,000 participants.

My new client turned and asked me, “Have you ever handled a trade show this large before?  I said, “No this is my first one.”

He said, “OMG, you’re drinking from the fire hose!”

To say that I was shaking in my heels is to put it lightly.  Inside I felt like a fraud because I really didn’t know what I was doing — but I had to just do it.

Play Small or Stand Tall

I realized at that moment that I had a choice – I could play small or I could stand tall.

While I was sure of my PR skills in healthcare, I was a new kid on the block with technology, and I’d never run a tradeshow for media and industry analysts.

While I certainly did NOT feel ready, I did it anyway.

Yes, I was afraid but I took action and did everything I could to prepare for this event…

It was a huge success, and I went on to serve Microsoft in this capacity for five years.

You have to make a leap of faith if you want to grow your business or life to the next level.

Fear + Action = Courage

Not only did I survive that event, I learned that fear + action = courage.  It has served me in both of my businesses.  I’ve learned how to play my “inner game” of business and manage my fear and limiting beliefs.

Dr. Brene Brown says, “You can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability, period.”

It Won’t be Comfortable.

When you’re afraid, take small action steps.  Tell yourself you’re being brave, go for courage. There is always a gift in starting before you’re ready.

Here’s the real truth: You’re never ready.

Here are 6 Ways to Manage Your Fears:

  1. Notice your fear.  We all have fears – we’re wired for it. When you feel it, just stop, notice and breathe. Whether it’s imagined or real, the first step in overcoming fear is to admit that it exists. Ask your wise inner Self what she or he would do in this situation. Listen and act on its guidance.
  2. Ask yourself: is it real or imagined? Where does your fear come from? What’s the worst thing that can happen? Most of the time, the worst scenario is not as bad as you feared. In fact, talking it through with a friend lessens the effect of fear.
  3. Expand your comfort zone. As you grew up, you absorbed some of the fears of those around you. You formed a mental zone that became your “comfort zone.” Walk to the edge of what scares you. Start small and as you gain more confidence you’ll expand your comfort zone.
  4. If you’re excited and you feel fear — do it! If you would love to do it but feel afraid, do it. If you want to take to safe route, take the uncertain route. This is how you grow, gain confidence and add a notch in your experience belt. Notice every time you make a choice to do something – especially something meaningful – are you choosing a safe choice?
  5. Fear grows when you resist it. We tend to ignore things we are afraid of. Let’s say that money is an issue for you and you don’t want to look at your bills so you put them in a drawer without opening them. If you avoid looking at them, it’ll create more anxiety and stress. What you resist persists.
  6. Develop courage. In my life I’ve noticed that what helps me to feel courageous is taking risks. So I ask myself, what will I lose by doing this? In order to conquer a particular fear, you want to cultivate courage. When you become courageous, you develop self-trust and build self-confidence. This is the healthy way to approach fear.

What I know for sure is this: When I conquer the fears of the experiences I fear the most, I feel the most alive. Those experiences are my favorite memories because I practiced courage.

Learn How to Decode YOUR Fear:

If you want to learn how to decode your fear and have it work for you, sign up here for a free class called “Become Unstoppable: How to Use Fear as Rocket Fuel.” 

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Sherold Barr is an entrepreneur, business strategist and mindset coach that has built two-six-figure businesses that allow her to work from anywhere in the world. Her programs help people learn and use key mindset principles for success, build a passion-based business that makes money, and learn how to create an effective online presence using high-impact marketing to get results.

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nyc

I was in NYC last week with my mastermind group. There we are cruising the New York harbor.

I’ve been taking a course on Law of Attraction. So, on the flight over to New York, when I learned I would be sitting in a middle seat during one of the legs, I decided to “manifest” an empty seat in my row.

BOOM.

No one sat in the window seat! It was a ridiculously full flight. I was feeling quite pleased with myself.

So on the way home a few days later, I was feeling pretty confident.

The first leg from LaGuardia to Chicago was easy. I sat in a middle seat but luckily there were too very small humans sitting on either side of me. Neither of whom tried to hog the armrest. In fact, the kind elderly woman to my right offered to share the rest of her seltzer water with me. I accepted.

I expected even better things on the long leg home from Chicago to Portland. I got the aisle seat and had every intention of manifesting a free space to my right.

So…

You can imagine my displeasure when I arrived at 27 D to find two very large humans who could only have been lumberjacks sitting in the window and aisle seat of my row. The lumberjack in the middle was so large that it was clear to me that his arms would not only be hogging the armrest, he might have to straddle the armrest.

amy flight 1

My fears were correct.

The entire flight home, the lumberjack’s body unapologetically engulfed a third of my seat so that I had to lean into the aisle where folks needing to get to the bathroom smacked my shoulder at regular three minute intervals for the duration of the four and a half hour flight.

And that’s when the snoring started. This lumberjack was brazen (but not in a good way).

30 minutes in, I decided to get some writing done on my new computer that I manifested. So I set the seat back down, contorted my body into a position that would allow me to type without brushing against the lumberjack’s left knee (I think I pulled a muscle) and got to work, feeling good about my agility as well as my ability to persevere even under the most difficult of situations.

That’s when the lumberjack at the window motioned to me that he needed to go to the bathroom. I gave him a look that said, “if you think you can wake him up I’ll get out of this seat.” Somehow he managed. I gathered my laptop, the two books in my lap and my manila folder full of notes, unplugged the power adapter and got up. Standing there in the aisle, holding all that stuff, I noticed almost everyone else in the back of the plane was enjoying a free seat between them. I could see the pity-amusement in their eyes as I stood there awkwardly holding my computer while I waited for the lumberjacks to return.

I ceremoniously stuck my neck pillow between me and the lumberjack (and I didn’t offer to move it even though I could tell he was annoyed by this extra thing keeping him from taking up more real estate on my side).

amy flight 2

Then for about an hour, I did a lot of dramatic sighing, pouting and wincing whenever anyone would bump into me on the way to the bathroom. I felt more and more mistreated as the minutes passed.

But the more I felt like a victim of my circumstances, the more I wanted to blame that lumberjack and his lumberjack friend (brother?). The more I wanted to blame the people walking to the bathroom (how dare they use the bathroom!). The more I wanted to blame the flight attendant with the food cart who needed to reach for some napkins, sticking her bottom in my helplessly captive face. The more I felt like a caged animal.

“How dare I get stuck in this claustrophobic cluster fuck?” I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A POWERFUL MANIFESTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And as long as I continued to stew in that sanctimonious soup of blame and self-pity, the more claustrophobic I felt.

Clearly, I’m NOT the powerful manifesto I thought I was 24 hours ago. Once the food cart rolled up for the second time and the flight attendant had to get more napkins, I started to see how ridiculously comical the whole thing was. Which spurred me to post my situation to my Facebook wall where I could share the absurdity with others in the hopes of making someone laugh.

I still felt like a sardine for another few hours, but at least I was laughing about it.

amy flight 3

The moral of this story…

You are responsible for your vibe. Blaming anyone and everyone, cursing the Universe, the weather, the traffic, your period, your past, whatever, makes YOU the victim. But you made yourself a victim — not the Universe, not the weather, not the traffic, not your period, not the past…

And remember, victims have no power.

When you look at your situation as the victim, things tend to get worse.

Which is exactly why you’ve got to find a way to feel better.

5 Ways to Shift Your Vibe When Things Go Bad:

  1. Laugh. Find the funny in it. There’s no way to be in a crappy vibe while you’re laughing. If you need to, turn to YouTube. Here is some funny shit to watch right now:
  1. Baby Step It. Use the Emotional Guidance Scale by Abraham-Hicks to “bump up” your mood a little at a time. There’s a good explanation of this technique here.
  1. Dance. (Unless you’re stuck in a crowded airplane.) It’s sort of like laughing. You can’t really be in a crappy vibe while shaking a leg.
  1. Listen to happy music. This is a good one to do while driving (bonus points for dancing while driving).

The Bottom Line?

Stop with the righteous indignation. Fine. Let yourself be pissed for a bit. But remember, as long as you stay bitter, you’re powerless. Because you’re stuck in the story that you are the victim of other people, the Universe, your circumstances…

As the saying goes, “would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?”

Your Turn:

How do YOU shift your vibe? Post a tip in the comments section below!

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