You Unsegmented

by Amy on May 31, 2018

I love Astrology. Once, several years ago, I started an astrology website with my friend, an astrologer, Dena DeCastro.

But I didn’t want people to know. Especially my coaching clients or the people who subscribed to my newsletter.

“What should I do?” I asked my life coach. “I don’t want people to think I’m woo woo.”

Her advice was definitive: “Share immediately! Do not keep this a secret!

Folks who have an issue with it can unsubscribe. That’s a good thing. You’re creating a community. You don’t want to pretend to be somebody you’re not.”

What a relief!

Ever since, I’ve made it a rule to be me, no hiding.

Yeah, it gets me into trouble from time to time.

Some people tell me my writing is “unprofessional.” I should be more ladylike, they say…

But here’s my secret.

I say “shit” on purpose. Because that’s how I talk. In real life. If you can’t stand it, then you definitely shouldn’t be reading my blog, or subscribing to my newsletter and you sure as hell shouldn’t hire me as your coach. You should spend your precious time, participating in a community that turns you on.

Lately I’ve been criticized for not “segmenting” my list.

This is a marketing term for dividing potential customers into groups, or “segments” depending on different characteristics.

Just the other day for example somebody commented:

“I understand and honor that you and many others have found essential oils healing, even life-saving. But…. I am not interested in buying them from you, and I wish you had segmented your list so I could unsubscribe from those emails while still receiving your nuggets of brazenness and MYM updates.”

I love essential oils you see. And, yeah, I sell them. Just like I sell coaching sessions and self development programs and business advice in a course called Monetize Your Magic.

I sell a lot of things. In fact, every damn time I write a blog post, I’m selling something. Today I’m selling you the idea that you do not have to hide parts of yourself for the sake of others who deem some of you fit for their consumption and some of you not. You can be your whole fucking self.

Do you buy it? Maybe. Maybe not. But I sure hope you do.

Back to market segmentation…

I suppose I could create an essential oils segment in my database for people I determine who fit the market characteristics of someone who might buy them from me. I have the demographics and psychographics for days.

But where does it stop?

Do I have to create a segment each time I write about my kids, my obsession with tennis?
Should I create a segment for people who I believe might want to hear about my sobriety? Or kundalini yoga?
Should I keep quiet about ho’oponopono, or astrology, psychic fairs and angels?

Is it okay to talk about being an entrepreneur or being a coach, a mother and a wife?

Segment. Segment. Segment. It’s good business practice, they say.

Nah. I’m going to keep talking to you about my life. No hiding. I’m going to tell you about the miracle of copaiba oil and how I’ve used Ho’oponopono to forgive and how I learned how to make money in my coaching practice and my struggle with approval addiction and I’ll even tell you about my dog and the last time my family got lice.

And each time I share something, I promise you this: I will try to sell you something. It might be an idea like self love, or vulnerability or forgiveness. Or it might be a program. Or it might be a bottle of lavender.

If that’s too much for you, then I’ll say it nice this time… Please go find another blog. Don’t threaten to leave me because I didn’t bend over backwards to make myself more palatable for you.

That, after all, is what my idea of #brazen is about.



“You Think Too Much.”

by Amy on April 6, 2018

“You Think Too Much.”

I get this a lot.

And, frankly, I find it irritating.

What else am I supposed to do? I have a brain, therefore I think.

I get it…I’m supposed to listen to my heart. It will steer me in the best direction.

In some ways I’m the opposite of an over thinker. I’m one of those. I jump right in. Sometimes this is a good thing and sometimes not so much.

But I admit I do overthink in some situations.

No where is the overthinking more apparent than when I play tennis. As the naturally competitive person I am, I really want to win.

It never fails. I’m up the first set 3-0 when I start THINKING.

It goes something like…

“Up 3 to 0… Yes! I doubt she’ll get a game off me…”

This is when it all goes to shit. All of a sudden I start double faulting. I can’t get a return back. I miss long, I hit short, I can’t volley for the life of me.

As soon as I start to think about the score, I always play worse.

I remember when I was a new life coach… I loved to coach as much as I love to play tennis.

Of course I wanted to do a good job. No… I wanted to do an amazing job. Which led me to do a lot of unnecessary THINKING during my sessions…

“What if I don’t know what to say next? What tool should I use right now? What if my client doesn’t like this session?”

I’d put so much pressure on myself that I actually started to dread coaching.

Ironically things turned around as soon as I stopped giving a shit. It was Martha Beck herself who convinced me that the less I worried about doing a good job, the more my clients would get out of my coaching sessions.

So I gave myself permission to laugh and joke and be myself in my coaching sessions, not the savvy coach I thought I was supposed to be.

If I didn’t know what to say next, I didn’t worry about it. I’d simply say, “I’m not sure what to say next…” and then miraculously I’d know what to say next.

Martha was right. I coached better and my clients kept coming back.

In her memoir, Unstoppable, five time grand slam winner, Maria Sharapova, describes it as caring while not caring.

How often do you worry about outcomes, putting pressure on yourself to win? It doesn’t have to be tennis. I might a promotion or a new rank, or a book deal (ahem) or your launch.

Here’s what I know now…

The second you start thinking about the end result, you take yourself right out of the moment where you need to be to do a good job. Thinking about how badly you want to achieve the thing, causes you to get tight.

In tennis that means you double fault or you hit short. Not good.

In life it means you take too much time on stuff because you want to get it exactly right or you obsess over your strategy ending up in analysis paralysis. Or you just stare at Facebook, too overwhelmed to do anything.

See how that works?

The bottom line:

Success is about how you pay attention in the here and now. Do you let yourself love on the moment hard — enjoy the feel of the ball against your racket or the feeling of deep connection with another human being — or do you let your thoughts steal you away from the moment.

Care… from a place of reverence for the joy that brought you to that moment and then let go of the rest.

I get it now…

Overthinking is what I do out of habit, when I love something so much that I start to think I might not be worthy of it.

So I remind myself…

I don’t have to be good.

I just have to see it as the gift it is.

And love on it hard in the moment.

What more is there to think about?

Psst: Over thinkers!  Arborvitae is the oil of “divine grace.” It’ll help you give it to God (whatever that means to you) instead of trying to do it all by sheer force. Try some on the solar plexus, crown of head or bottom of feet.

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14,000 Things

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God, Source, Spirit, The Angels, The Muses…

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Show Me A Successful Entrepreneur

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