“Becky” is one of my favorite people.
She’s smart, kind and a complete smart ass.
She’s wicked talented.
And she was my client for about six months.
It’s been a couple years since I’ve worked with her. She’s in the middle of a product launch… finally getting her work out into the world. And I’m thrilled!
I’d like to think that my work with her has something to do with it…
Who ever really knows?
But while she was my client, she struggled with the most mammoth self-doubt. It was enormous. And even though I’m supposed to stay neutral, I left those coaching calls feeling so discouraged.
Can’t she see how brilliant her ideas are?
Why doesn’t she get how wonderful she is?
How can I get her to see how many people she could help?
“Becky” is not the only client I’ve had like this. Not by a landslide.
Confession: it’s a big reason why I stopped working individually with clients.
It breaks my heart when people cannot see their own worth.
And I can’t stay neutral. I will not drop my agenda.
I want every fucking soul to know they are absolutely indispensable.
I’m obsessed. I think about this a lot.
Here’s what I think:
You might aspire to be a writer or an actor, an entrepreneur or a politician…
If you tell me you’re afraid of putting yourself out there… I’m willing to bet that somebody or some combination of somebody’s tried to “put you in your place” for being YOU.
Maybe they rolled their eyes at you. Or laughed at you. Or made fun of you in front of other people. Or maybe they spanked you or put you in time-out. Or tried to “reason” with you. Or worse…
They had power over you.
It makes sense that you would want to avoid that kind of treatment in the future. Psychologists call it “Rejection Sensitivity.”
Here’s what I don’t get.
Why would you avoid putting yourself out there in all situations? Why wouldn’t you avoid the people who hurt you and go for it in other environments…?
There’s a psychological defense mechanism called Introjection. It’s when we blame ourselves for the shitty things that other people do.
Most of the clients I’ve worked with who are most terrified of “putting themselves out there” have been on the receiving end of some pretty shitty stuff at a young age. And the shitty stuff was done or said by a grown up, somebody they trusted. Someone they relied on to get their needs met.
So it makes complete sense to me that, as a sweet little child, you’d rather blame yourself for this shitty behavior than have to believe that something was wrong with the person you trust. That would scare you. You NEEDED them after all. YOU LOVED them after all.
So you internalize a lie.
You are less.
You are bad.
You are unworthy.
YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH.
And then you grow into an adult. Who listens, with yearning, to your heart’s song.
But you still believe the lie.
And so you hide.
You don’t put yourself out there.
You cope in ways you’re not proud of. Maybe it’s alcohol, or TV, the internet, donuts…
But it all provides more evidence for the lie you believe about yourself.
It’s such an OLD lie. You are so used to it.
But what if, just for a moment, you entertained another possibility…
What if just for a second, you considered that there Might Not Be Anything Wrong With You.
What if, just for a second, you considered that there were people in your life who made mistakes.
They didn’t treat you the way you deserved to be treated, as the beautiful soul you were and have always been.
Can you see that?
Can you see the possibility of it?
Can you allow yourself to consider that YOU are not, at all, bad, unworthy, or less?
That at one time, you were an innocent child who didn’t know what to make of that kind of treatment.
I want you to see the truth, so badly.
What would be different if you could finally see that you are good, you are worthy and YOU ARE AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ENOUGH?
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If this post resonated, I think you’ll also like a free class I teach called “The Fraud Factor: How to Go From ‘What if I’m not Good Enough?’ to Confident, Successful and ‘Damn I’m Good!’. Click the image below to sign up: