Be a Brazen Parent: 4 Tips for Helping Your Children Feel Their Feelings

by Amy on December 2, 2015

Guest Post by Lisa Smith

Lisa

Last week, my 11 year-old boy woke up on the wrong side of the bed. He was very unhappy with everyone and at everything (including me). I couldn’t do anything right. My mere existence irritated him.

We rode to school in silence. When we got there he continued to look unhappy and even ignored me as I said goodbye. One of the school staff members looked at me with big eyes almost to say “what is going on?” I explained “just my existence this morning is irritating to him.” My son nodded with a very grumpy look on his face.

The person said to him “don’t treat your mom that way.” I thought about it for a few seconds and said to her “Oh no he isn’t treating me disrespectfully, he’s just feeling his feelings and we’re both ok with that.”

When I looked over at him, his whole demeanor changed. He understood that “I got him.”

Feelings are never wrong — not yours, not your spouses, not your in-laws AND definitely not your kids!

Stop Crying Or…

I know this is foreign to many of us…

We were raised by parents who told us to “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!” Plus, we love our kids and don’t want them to hurt.

I’m going to say it again to help it sink in….feelings are never wrong. You might not like that you child is mad that he has to turn off the Xbox or put away the dishes but he’s still entitled to feel his feelings! You might not like that your daughter is pissed that she can’t stay out past curfew but she is entitled to feel her feelings.

Feelings Matter

Feelings, even the BIG ones, have a purpose. They help build confidence and self-esteem. They allow us to feel heard and know we count. They teach us how to sort things out and stand up for ourselves when it counts. All of these are life skills that our children need to learn too.

And it all starts at home by letting your kids feel their feelings!

It’s brazen to embrace your children’s feelings. If you can’t embrace them at least let your children experience their feelings. It’s a gift to your children and to you because it leads to deep connection and sense of belonging between you and your children.

I’m not gonna lie- for most of us it takes a lot of work to get there-to be comfortable with the big negative emotions… but it’s so worth the effort!

So this holiday season I encourage you to be a Brazen Parent and let your kids feel their feelings! Deep connection and understanding lies around the corner for those who are Brazen enough to go there!

Here are 4 Tips for Letting Your Child Feel Their Feelings:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Yours
The first step in acknowledging your child’s feelings is to feel your own. Take a moment to ask yourself “what am I feeling right now”? Try to give your feeling a name – anger, disappointment, frustration, etc. You don’t need to tell anyone in the moment. It is enough to just acknowledge it.

2. Admit That It’s Hard
Take a moment to acknowledge that this is hard and uncomfortable and just know you will get thru it. This often softens the hard feelings and helps, you, as the parent breathe and get perspective.

3. You Don’t Have to Like Them BUT Don’t Try to Change Them
Your child is entitled to their own experience. By showing that you understand that, you invite connection. AND you’re able get your point across better!

4. TRUST
Know that you can have your feeling and your child can have his own feelings AND progress can be made from that place. This allows you both to move forward and find common ground RATHER than arguing over who’s feelings are “right”. In the end we all just want to feel heard and this is a great way for your child to feel heard.

Parenting without Yelling, Punishing or Threatening

Want to explore a way to peacefully parent and connect deeply with your kids? Hop on over to www.ThePeacefulParentingmethod.com and learn about my proven method to help you parent from a place of peace — no more yelling, punishing or threatening.

Here you can apply for a complimentary “Peaceful Parenting” Discovery call during which we will talk about your biggest challenge in parenting. Oh and how to embrace your kids’ feelings!

heart divider

Lisa SmithLisa is a funny, loud and passionate woman, wife, and mom to an amazing boy that she describes as a full contact sport!

She is a Certified Parent Coach and a former Medical Device Executive, Venture Capitalist, Entrepreneur and Business Owner.

Lisa describes her parenting transformation as “I was struggling inside as a parent-even though I love my son more than anything. I found parent coaching out of pure necessity and started as a client. I had very few tools in my parenting tool chest and knew my parenting was not working. So I set about finding a new way that felt like peace while at the same time holding to our family values. Oh and I wanted to enjoy parenting more than I was!”

The parent-centric method really clicked for her and in fact she loved the program so much she decided to shift her focus and career to spread the word about a new way of parenting.

Today Lisa strives to help parents find ways to PARENT without yelling, threatening or punishing so they can ENJOY parenting without guilt or shame and CONNECT with their kids.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Barb Hood December 3, 2015 at 4:45 am

Lisa even though I’m not a parent I think your right on target. So many times we are reactive instead of taking a deep breath and thinking before speaking! Just my thought?

Barb

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post:

Amy Pearson's Live Brazen / Radical Results for Your Biz and Life


amy@livebrazen.com

@ Amy Pearson | Live Brazen 2018 | Privacy Policy Design By:Janet Pashleigh