“You Think Too Much.”

by Amy on April 6, 2018

“You Think Too Much.”

I get this a lot.

And, frankly, I find it irritating.

What else am I supposed to do? I have a brain, therefore I think.

I get it…I’m supposed to listen to my heart. It will steer me in the best direction.

In some ways I’m the opposite of an over thinker. I’m one of those. I jump right in. Sometimes this is a good thing and sometimes not so much.

But I admit I do overthink in some situations.

No where is the overthinking more apparent than when I play tennis. As the naturally competitive person I am, I really want to win.

It never fails. I’m up the first set 3-0 when I start THINKING.

It goes something like…

“Up 3 to 0… Yes! I doubt she’ll get a game off me…”

This is when it all goes to shit. All of a sudden I start double faulting. I can’t get a return back. I miss long, I hit short, I can’t volley for the life of me.

As soon as I start to think about the score, I always play worse.

I remember when I was a new life coach… I loved to coach as much as I love to play tennis.

Of course I wanted to do a good job. No… I wanted to do an amazing job. Which led me to do a lot of unnecessary THINKING during my sessions…

“What if I don’t know what to say next? What tool should I use right now? What if my client doesn’t like this session?”

I’d put so much pressure on myself that I actually started to dread coaching.

Ironically things turned around as soon as I stopped giving a shit. It was Martha Beck herself who convinced me that the less I worried about doing a good job, the more my clients would get out of my coaching sessions.

So I gave myself permission to laugh and joke and be myself in my coaching sessions, not the savvy coach I thought I was supposed to be.

If I didn’t know what to say next, I didn’t worry about it. I’d simply say, “I’m not sure what to say next…” and then miraculously I’d know what to say next.

Martha was right. I coached better and my clients kept coming back.

In her memoir, Unstoppable, five time grand slam winner, Maria Sharapova, describes it as caring while not caring.

How often do you worry about outcomes, putting pressure on yourself to win? It doesn’t have to be tennis. I might a promotion or a new rank, or a book deal (ahem) or your launch.

Here’s what I know now…

The second you start thinking about the end result, you take yourself right out of the moment where you need to be to do a good job. Thinking about how badly you want to achieve the thing, causes you to get tight.

In tennis that means you double fault or you hit short. Not good.

In life it means you take too much time on stuff because you want to get it exactly right or you obsess over your strategy ending up in analysis paralysis. Or you just stare at Facebook, too overwhelmed to do anything.

See how that works?

The bottom line:

Success is about how you pay attention in the here and now. Do you let yourself love on the moment hard — enjoy the feel of the ball against your racket or the feeling of deep connection with another human being — or do you let your thoughts steal you away from the moment.

Care… from a place of reverence for the joy that brought you to that moment and then let go of the rest.

I get it now…

Overthinking is what I do out of habit, when I love something so much that I start to think I might not be worthy of it.

So I remind myself…

I don’t have to be good.

I just have to see it as the gift it is.

And love on it hard in the moment.

What more is there to think about?

Psst: Over thinkers!  Arborvitae is the oil of “divine grace.” It’ll help you give it to God (whatever that means to you) instead of trying to do it all by sheer force. Try some on the solar plexus, crown of head or bottom of feet.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Jamie April 27, 2018 at 4:23 am

I am a big time
Over thinker. This is a great Article. Thank you for your insight !!!

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