Just one sentence

by Amy on September 17, 2019

Money, and budgeting in particular, is not one of my strong suits. Like a dysfunctional friend, I want money to be there for me without putting any work into the relationship.

I want to be a better friend to money. Kumiko over at The Budget Mom is helping me, via her blog. I’m learning how to use cash envelopes to be more aware of money so I don’t inadvertently spend it all on San Pellegrino.

Kumiko reminds me a lot of myself. “I spent money on things that I thought would make me feel better, and they did, but it wasn’t long before I was back in the mall shopping for my next outfit.

I know how that goes. It’s like a drug. But the high is short-lived. And the hangover – spending guilt and overdraft fees– is real.

She goes on to say…

“I learned that my real self is more important than my ideal self. Learning to accept who you are as a person and what you stand for is something that money can never buy.”

Huge. AHA.

Spending to feel better is a form of self-rejection. Buying something you can’t afford “feels” like self-love, but it’s the opposite.

It didn’t take a coaching session. Just one courageous woman telling the truth about her journey.

I’ve just started a free series called The Coaching Sampler. I demo a coaching tool each week. The most powerful, aha-generating, life altering coaching tools I know.

But reading Kumiko’s blog got me thinking about the times when I experienced the same kind of earth shattering aha’s without any coaching at all.

Sometimes it happened out of a conversation…

I remember confiding in Susan Hyatt many years ago that I was afraid to talk about my fascination with Astrology because my clients would think I was woo-woo. You know what she said? “Get out there and talk about it now!” And she was right. The more you share your truth, the easier it will be to find your people.

I had another conversation with my friend Jennifer Diepstraton about coaching. I wasn’t sure of my value as a coach. She asked me to think about my life before coaching, then after coaching. She told me to put a value on that transformation. I realized I would mortgage my house for the kind of changes coaching has brought into my life.

And Brooke Castillo, oh thank God for her! Somewhere she said, “Many times I believe that other people’s unsolicited opinions of me are none of my business; it’s my opinion that matters.”

This changed my world.

She also said, “You teach people how to treat you. If you aren’t treating yourself with kindness and love, please don’t expect anyone else to do it for you instead; you have shown them that you don’t think you deserve it.”

So did this.

Karla McLaren, in The Language of Emotions, said “emotions move and carry massive amounts of information.” I stopped demonizing my feelings and started listening to them right then and there.

And Martha Beck on failure! She wrote “I’ve noticed that the biggest difference between wildly successful people and total failures is that successful people fail more.” Nobody ever told me that!

All to say that sometimes your life can dramatically change for the better over ONE SENTENCE. In a conversation or a book or a simple about page.

So tell your story.
Share your experience.
Write your book.

Because your story, your experience, your expertise matters. It only takes one sentence.

What one sentence changed your world?

 

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Success has no choice in the matter

by Amy on September 10, 2019

This is my daughter Joy.

This summer she moved to a new town, leaving all her BFF’s (and she had a lot) and her beloved neighbors, not to mention her “second mother” aka our nanny and one of my BFF’s, Maria.

All this after breaking her arm in two places just a few days before summer break.

She has had a rough time.

Joy’s favorite thing to do is play with friends.

Which is tricky when you have none anymore.

Luckily she found out that a little girl around her age lived two houses down.

There was just one problem. You see Joy cannot pronounce the “R” sound.

And this little girl has an R featured prominently smack in the middle of her name.

So Joy practiced and practiced, repeating the little’s girl’s name over and over (and over) again.

“Mom, am I saying it right?” She’d ask.

“Babe, you sound fine.” I’d respond. I thought she sounded adorable but she would think I was patronizing her if I told her that.

And still she practiced, repeating the name to her brother, to her sister, to her dad, to the dog, the cats.

Until one day she was ready.

She marched over to that house and asked the little girl to play.

That little girl didn’t have a choice.

Because Joy believed that success was a forgone conclusion, R or no R.

She set a goal.

She prepared.

She took action.

Problem solved.

I wonder what *I* could accomplish if I approached every goal with that same level of self believe and conviction.

I wonder what we could all accomplish if we believed in our own success the way Joy believes in hers.

Joy didn’t let the R stop her.

And neither should you.

Believe in your own success as if it didn’t have a choice in the matter.

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Bring back scarcity thinking!

September 10, 2019

The other day I used cash to purchase my groceries. I was a little embarrassed about it. But I get groceries at Shop n Kart. And anything goes there. I often see people strolling in and out with no shoes or shirt. It’s not unusual to see somebody meditating in the crystals section (yes there’s […]

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Vulnerability Bloopers

August 29, 2019

Hey. It’s been a while. This is me after my haircut yesterday in which the stylist curled my hair in a way that I will NEVER be able to replicate. Anyway, I have a good excuse for my absence… I didn’t feel like working. First of all, this summer was epic. We went from big […]

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Are you a failure?

April 18, 2019

Many of you know about my essential oil obsession… Well announcement: I’m not selling them anymore. To achieve the level of success I wanted, I’d have to put a whole lot more time and attention into the business. Time and attention, I’m not willing to give. You could say I failed at my essential oil […]

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It’ll get better

April 11, 2019

Guys, I’ve been having a hard time. I got in a big fight (really big) with my spouse, I caught a terrible cold, we are dealing some HUGE life changes that I will say more about later and I’m just generally feeling a lot of anxiety… So I’m pretty much writing this for myself. But […]

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Reacting versus Responding

March 8, 2019

The other day as I was driving home, I noticed an urgent craving for chocolate covered malt balls. The feeling came quickly and seemingly out of nowhere. Full disclosure, I’ve been eating a lot of maltballs over the past two weeks. Even though my face breaks out, even though it messes up my sleep. I […]

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I’ve Gone Full Granola

January 25, 2019

Just over five years ago I stopped drinking alcohol. What I didn’t anticipate was how much my life would change. One tiny change turned out to be a tidal wave. I lost weight. My sugar cravings went away. I started to exercise more. I STARTED PLAYING TENNIS AGAIN!!! I dealt with a lot of emotional […]

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To the dreamers…

January 10, 2019

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a gymnast. I remember watching the Summer Olympics and seeing those athletes launching through the air on the uneven bars or bounding through a floor routine. The sight of them filled me with awe and a yearning. But my parents didn’t have the extra cash […]

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New year, no goals

January 3, 2019

Happy 2019! New Year, no goals… I’m going to do that thing where I look back at 2018, the highs and the lows, then talk about what I want to experience in 2019 (maybe not in that particular order). But first let me just say that my attitude towards goals has changed. I like to […]

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My Inner Rudy

December 14, 2018

“Sometimes a winner is a dreamer who just won’t quit.” – from the Rudy trailer I’ve been thinking about the movie Rudy. Do you remember it? Since he was a kid, Rudy dreamed of playing football for Notre Dame. Being on the small side though, everyone (especially his Dad) told him it was impossible. I […]

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Back to Square One

October 11, 2018

Last week I wrote about my latest bout of depression.   I mentioned I had a theory about what led up to it…   But first you need to know about The Change Cycle. Martha Beck writes about it in Finding Your Own North Star, the book that, ironically, rescued me after a particularly nasty […]

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Where did Amy go? Part 3

September 27, 2018

It’s me again.   This is a blog post about mental illness.   I’m no expert on mental illness.   I’ll just write from my own experience.   I could keep tossing euphemisms against the wall.   The blahs, the blues… But let’s just call a spade a spade? Depression fucking sucks.   I’ve struggled […]

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Where did Amy go? Part 2

September 13, 2018

Last week I mentioned I’ve been marinating in the blahs… I blamed the stars, well Mars Retrograde to be exact. Yeah well, that *might* not be the whole story. You see I’ve been working on a memoir. You know that long term project you start that you *think* might take a year or so? Well […]

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Where did Amy go? Part 1

September 6, 2018

Two words . Mars retrograde. Like you, my energy fluctuates. At times it feels like I have endless reserves. Other times, it feels like I can barely get out of bed. Lately, well since May if we’re honest, I’ve been feeling blah. Yes, blah. THE WORST KIND OF BLAH. The kind where you are grumpy and jaded […]

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You Unsegmented

May 31, 2018

I love Astrology. Once, several years ago, I started an astrology website with my friend, an astrologer, Dena DeCastro. But I didn’t want people to know. Especially my coaching clients or the people who subscribed to my newsletter. “What should I do?” I asked my life coach. “I don’t want people to think I’m woo […]

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“You Think Too Much.”

April 6, 2018

“You Think Too Much.” I get this a lot. And, frankly, I find it irritating. What else am I supposed to do? I have a brain, therefore I think. I get it…I’m supposed to listen to my heart. It will steer me in the best direction. In some ways I’m the opposite of an over […]

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WARNING: Having a Dream May Lead to Massive Disappointment

March 30, 2018

I keep thinking about a conversation I had years ago with a woman working in the registrar’s office of my college. I was ordering transcripts for an application to work in Japan as an English teacher. She wanted to know what I was working on. “I’m applying for the JET Programme with my husband,” I […]

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Give Me a Break?

March 1, 2018

Confession: I am not the best communicator. I’m blunt and I don’t take the time to explain myself or soften things. Yet ironically, I’m as sensitive as they come— I read into everything other people say. Which is why I’d have a very hard time having a conversation with myself. That is, if I didn’t […]

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Fake Joy or Real Joy?

February 9, 2018

After I stopped drinking, I developed an obsession with dark chocolate peanut butter cups from Trader Joe’s. I’d buy a huge container of them and eat the whole thing in a couple days. I would drive to TJ’s just for the peanut butter cups, nothing else… I’d get a rush eating the initial few on […]

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Last Week was a Train Wreck

January 25, 2018

Last week was a train wreck… I lost my brand new t-shirt the day it came in the mail. I tried it on then it promptly disappeared. After an exhaustive search, I did not locate my new shirt. Gone. Without a trace. Then I completely spaced a meeting. I confirmed it the day before, even […]

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21 Essentials for a High Vibe, Happy Life

January 18, 2018

I have to tell you, I’ve been pretty happy these days. So damn happy that I haven’t had much to blog about. As you know, if you’ve been following me for a bit, this hasn’t always been the case. So I started to think about the things that have contributed to this new found, happy vibe. […]

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New Year, Same You

January 5, 2018

Happy New Year! I’m not going to lie, I love self help new year rhetoric. Vision board? Check. New Planner? Purchased. Word of the Year? Pondering. And yes, I have completed a list of goals, each goal nested within a A/B decision tree of contingency micro goals, complete with an exhaustive list of behavioral and […]

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Meet Alice

November 29, 2017

This is my daughter Alice. Most people nowadays think she is a he. When she introduces herself as Alice, they think she is saying “Alex.” One day early in the school year, a bunch of older girls laughed at her for going into the girl’s bathroom. “Look!” they said. “There’s a boy using the girls […]

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What is Your Genius?

November 3, 2017

Wednesday was my four year sober anniversary. I was never a stereotypical “drunk.” But I loved to fill my free time with activities centered around drinking. Having wine at the end of the day, going to Happy Hour, Getting drinks with friends. I used to think I needed it to have a good time.Giving up […]

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My Double Life

October 5, 2017

I found some photos of me posing in my underwear. From twenty five years ago. We were living in Los Angeles. Our neighbors were working actors. We’d see them on TV. He had a co-starring role in Beverly Hills 90210. Once they told me I could get work doing beer commercials. As a femenist the […]

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For Better of For Worse

September 15, 2017

This morning my daughter went MIA before school. We only had 10 minutes left before it was time to leave for the bus and she still hadn’t finished her homework, eaten any breakfast, brushed her teeth or put on her shoes. I found her outside barefoot with some neighbor friends playing with a remote control […]

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What They Don’t Tell You About Spin Class

September 6, 2017

I remember the first ever time I walked into a Burn Cycle class. My friend invited me to go with her… “First time?” She asked. “Yes…” I replied. That’s when she raised her eyebrows and gave me an ominous look that said sarcastically, “good luck.” Just getting on the bike itself seemed to require a […]

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The Great Time Blocking Experiment

August 8, 2017

  God this is a boring topic. But I just have to because so many of you are suffering like I was suffering. It’s summer. The sky is blue. The kids are home. I just got the Tennis Channel. It’s so hard to get anything done! I’m definitely not as ambitious as I once was. […]

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Chronic Sleep Deprivation — I had no idea!

June 8, 2017

It is said that If you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump out. But if you put that same frog in warm water and slowly heat it to boiling, the frog won’t notice the danger and it will boil to death. For years I have had to get up multiple times at […]

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An Open Letter to Introverts (From an Introvert)

May 18, 2017

  It all started in grade school. I couldn’t figure it out. Why did all the other girls get so giddy over slumber parties?   I hated them.   Most of the time I would go anyway and pretend to be having fun until I couldn’t stand it any longer. Then I would either retreat […]

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14,000 Things

May 12, 2017

Yesterday Ron’s sister would have been forty years old. She was killed in a car accident when she was 21. I happened to be talking to a friend yesterday who has brain cancer. The meds are hard on her. “But you know what,” she said to me, “I am so happy to be alive. I […]

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When the doer cannot do

April 14, 2017

It’s Thursday. I have had the flu all week. And today I learned I have a bladder infection too. Bonus! I cancelled a tennis match, a podcast interview, three tennis lessons (two for me and one for my kids), missed an entire week of jiujitsu because I couldn’t drive the kids, skipped the Facebook Live […]

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God, Source, Spirit, The Angels, The Muses…

April 6, 2017

I am driving down Broadway Boulevard. It is Summer 2008. The twins are about six months old. Looking through the rearview window, I see them strapped into their car seats. As usual, Anthony is not happy. He is doing that thing he does before an all out crying fit. Alice is looking at me. Her […]

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Show Me A Successful Entrepreneur

March 10, 2017

Show me a successful entrepreneur in the service industry and I’ll show you a person who loves themselves enough, loves the work enough to let themselves fail. Somebody who is willing to get out there despite the possibility of bad hair, typos, toilet paper on the shoe, awkward exchanges (Them: Nice to meet you. You: […]

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How to be a Winner

March 2, 2017

Last week I beat a really good tennis player. In straight sets. 6-2, 6-2. If you don’t know tennis, I pretty much kicked her butt. “Wow, my back was really bothering me today.” This is all she had to say after the match. I lost to her a few months ago so I’m pretty sure […]

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Be here, now

February 24, 2017

A few nights ago, my husband said something mildly stupid that hurt my feelings. I am as soft-bellied as they come. I get my feelings hurt with an astonishing frequency. It is one of the many downsides of having a moon in Scorpio. Anyway…We were in bed, my back turned against him. I was convinced […]

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Stop Expecting Them to “Get” It: Why Some Partnerships Fail

February 9, 2017

“What’s on the agenda this weekend?” My husband asks. I open up my planner. “Battle of the books in the early afternoon Saturday, then Jazmina’s Quinciniera in the eve. Then Sunday is Janina’s birthday party at the pool.” “I’m not going to that,” He says. “But…” I answer. “I work all week and I don’t […]

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How to Think When You’re Overwhelmed

February 2, 2017

  I figured out the main theme of my book. This is the theme that informs everything. It’s the big “So What?” of the book. I was talking to my friend about it the other day. She asked me if I knew the theme when I started writing. “I haven’t wanted to start my book,” […]

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Saint Ron: Why the Truth Hurts (If You Let It)

January 27, 2017

“You should be canonized for putting up with her all these years.” This was a comment made about me to my husband. The same person I blocked to escape his poisonous text messages found a way to get to me through my husband. I won’t lie. When I heard that he said this about me […]

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5 Survival Tips When You #$%^& Up

January 20, 2017

I was recently invited to play on a bad-ass women’s tennis team. Wanting to make a good impression, I volunteered right away to practice doubles with a group of women. Got a babysitter and everything. On the night of practice, I got to the tennis club ten minutes early. Nobody there… “Strange,” I thought as […]

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Setting Boundaries with Setting Boundaries

January 12, 2017

For a long time my dream was to create a successful six figure, and then multiple six figure, coaching practice. After achieving the $200,000 a year mark I considered going for $500,000 a year. I created the business plan, I had the team in place, but I never made it. “Being an entrepreneur is the most lucrative […]

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We March

November 1, 2016

She is in a dark room, there is music on the other side of the door, and voices. She is crying and afraid. She doesn’t like being in here in the dark, alone. But no one hears her crying. Then the door opens and a man looks in. She can see the outline of his […]

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The Adult Brain of a Bullied Kid

October 6, 2016

We were on a bus, heading into Portland for a field trip. It was going to be a great day. We were going to try sushi for the first time and see China town. I was in seventh grade. Sitting on the bus, the girl next to me was leaning up against the window talking across […]

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35 Excuses Keeping You From Being Happy

July 27, 2016

No excuses. Just happy. My mom used to call me a “malcontent.” I hated it when she called me that. But now I see that she was right. I always had a reason why I couldn’t be happy. Here are a few excuses I used to make that kept me from being happy. Chances are […]

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You are five.

February 25, 2015

Who were you when you were five? When I was five… I loved flowers — I vividly remember the plants from my childhood – the sunflowers in my backyard, the rose bushes by the patio, the filbert orchards and the Oregon grapes with berries you couldn’t really eat. I loved to swim – that feeling […]

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